The day Lauren Alta’s well-manicured life began to unravel started with a simple phone call.
Alta, a communications professional with a newborn daughter, a beautiful four-bedroom home in Rhodes Ranch and a handsome, passionate artist husband, phoned her bank when her debit card was declined at the check-out where she was buying a new car seat and baby food.
“I knew that there was something wrong immediately, obviously,” she said. “I had just gotten paid. I thought there was either a glitch or someone snaked my PIN.”
A call to the bank uncovered a horrible truth Alta said, in hindsight, she’d been ignoring for at least six months. Alta’s husband, Sebastian, had begun acting erratically. He would disappear for hours and come home to disappear into his study almost immediately, where he would paint for hours.
“That wasn’t like him. We’ve been a very talkative family,” she said. “I thought the pressure of being a new dad was getting to him.”
According to Alta, it seemed as though Sebastian’s personality changed overnight. He couldn’t keep normal hours. He would never sleep. He was losing commissions because he couldn’t focus enough to work on one project. Then money started to disappear from their joint bank account. Sebastian blamed his forgetful nature, and became downright angry any time she brought up the missing money. Alta suggested separate bank accounts. Sebastian seemed indifferent to the entire process.
“He didn’t seem concerned about where this money was disappearing to at all,” she said. “I found that disconcerting. But it wasn’t large amounts; $100 here and there. I knew I wasn’t making withdrawals so it had to be him. He, of course, would find some way to blame me. But I would end up dropping it because he got this crazy look in his eyes, like the lights were on but nobody was home. I’d never been afraid of my husband before. But in those moments, I feared him.”
But it wasn’t until the morning she learned that her entire bank account had been wiped out that the reality hit her.
“Sebastian cleaned out my account,” she said. “I later learned that he was using the money to buy drugs, along with selling items he stole from the house. Looking back, there were so many signs. I just didn’t know what they were.”
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Addiction is a monster that is no discriminator of persons. It can grab hold of people from all races, backgrounds and religions. Because there are so few indicators that alert family members and friends that a loved one is descending into the throws of an addiction before it rears its ugly head, being aware of some of the signs of addiction could mean the difference between life and death.
Leo Magrdichian, director of WestCare Nevada’s Harris Springs Ranch facility, has worked for the nonprofit for five years and said that, while subtle at first, the signs that someone is struggling with addiction are always present early on.
WestCare, a nonprofit that addresses substance abuse, mental health disorders, homelessness and veterans issues, employs licensed alcohol and drug counselors, like Magrdichian, who have been in the trenches with clients for some time.
“Our experience affords us an advantage that the average person doesn’t necessarily have,” he said. “We’re seeing a lot of trends among the youngest users, too. Opiates are a huge problem. They start young, with prescription addictions. Then they move to heroin when doctor shopping doesn’t work to get them their high. It can be scary.”
Magrdichian breaks the signs of addiction into three categories: physical, behavioral and psychological. Some of the physical warning signs include: weight loss or gain, changes in appetite, shifts in sleeping patterns, slurred speech, impaired coordination and deterioration in physical appearance.
“It’s all in the eyes,” Magrdichian said. “You can think about individuals in relation to their eyes being the windows to the soul. If the eyes are bloodshot or the pupils are larger or smaller than usual, that could be an indicator that some form of substance abuse is taking place.”
Behavioral warning signs may be a little easier to spot and include: changes in friends and hobbies, financial problems, changes in attitude or disposition or participation in illegal activity.
Magrdichian said that with adolescents in particular, parents should pay attention to significant loss of interest in things that used to matter, coupled with a withdrawn personality change.
“If your kid is athletic with lots of friends but suddenly loses interest in sports or is hanging out with a new group and failing at school, you need to do some investigating to see what’s behind that,” he said. “Sometimes, unfortunately, it’s addiction.”
According to Magrdichian, addicts also participate in high risk, impulsive behavior, much of which is the product of trying to maintain their habit. Psychological warning signs include: paranoia, anxiousness, angry outbursts and nodding in and out of conversations.
“Many addicts find themselves stealing or participating in other illegal activities to ensure they can get their high,” he said. “The high coupled with shady behavior can make you feel all of those things.”
Change is never easy, but Magrdichian said it is possible. It must be motivated through contemplation and facts. The most successful interventions are achieved through effective communication, the setting of boundaries, and with an attitude of concern and love.
“You can’t make anyone do anything,” he said. “They have to want it. Parents have more ability to force treatment, but in the end, the child has to be receptive to that treatment or no healing will take place.”
Magrdichian said most addicts are in some state of denial and will resist change at almost any cost.
“If you’re talking about taking away their drugs, you’re threatening them, make no mistake about it,” he said. “And they will react accordingly, with anger, fear and panic. Don’t let it phase you. Hold your ground.”
According to Magrdichian, the fight, flight or freeze response imbedded within the human psyche will often take over when an addict feels threatened.
“Confronting an addict is a delicate business,” he said. “You want to be sure that you’re talking about your feelings, and not being accusatory. Don’t hold back but tell your truth in a loving way. Be firm. Offer healthy options and suggestions. Tell them that you will not enable their behavior any longer. Express that you want to help them get what they need to actually live and not just survive because that’s all you’re doing when you’re an addict; you’re surviving.”